Lack of Libido In Lockdown

If you’re feeling a lack of desire during this global pandemic, you certainly are not alone. There are many factors to why this could be and it’s completely normal. We want to keep this blog COVID-19 related because we can’t ignore the massive effect it’s having on our lives. We’ve been told to stay at home but many of us are staying clear of  the bedroom. Let’s look at why and also remind ourselves to not overthink it too much.

You are with your partner 24/7

What once used to be seeing each other in the morning before work and then for dinner is now 24/7 in each others space. Not to mention if you have kids, you are now home schooling on top of housework and it’s exhausting. There is less excitement and the novelty is starting to wear off. Not being able to have our own sacred private spaces where we need it to nurture ourselves can impact our confidence. Desire isn’t always spontaneous but when every day is Groundhog Day the excitement and that stimuli that creates sexual response is lacking.

Your routine has changed

With restaurants, gyms and fitness studios all being closed we’ve changed our eating habits and our physical exercise has been altered. We may not be doing as much movement as we used too which could also be affecting our sleep which will have a knock on effect for our appetite which all contributes to hormonal changes and when our hormones change our libidos change. You may be feeling a little burnt out but this is temporary so just be patient with the process and your body taking you through this survival situation.

Stress & anxiety

These are totally new stressful times that we are living in, it’s survival stress, financial stress and even though stress is stress to the body this seems heavy. Many of us are waking up alert living in constant ‘fight or flight’ meaning we become hormonally less interested. Some people may be having sex as a release while others are putting their sex lives to the bottom of their priority lists and that is ok. 

1.)   Make quality time together

You may be thinking you’re spending time with your partner but this isn’t necessarily quality time. Ask yourself if you are really connecting or existing side by side right now. It’s crucial to communicate during this time, asking questions that matter like ‘even though we’ve been together all day I wanted to ask how your day has been?’

Set aside a date night at the weekend where you order a recipe box or choose something together from a recipe book. Change for dinner and turn off your screens and just talk. Remember having sex is only one kind of physical intimacy, there are many other ways to explore intimacy. Why not explore foot massages, head rubs, bathing together, holding hands or dancing?

2.)   When your libidos don’t match

Remember mismatched libidos can happen. You don’t need to try and meet your partners libido if they have a high one and they don’t have to meet you if you have a low one. Try and compromise with compassion and talk about it. Sentences like ‘I love having sex with you but I’m just not in the mood with Covid right now but can I let you know when I’m in the mood?’

Just because you are not interested in having sex it doesn’t mean intimacy should grind to a halt. You don’t need to have emotions of rejection or tension between you both. Why not ask your partner what they would like to do instead? There are so many other ways to strengthen your sexual relationship.

3.)   De-stress

Try to find de-stressing activities you can do together to slip you back into ‘rest & digest’ state. These could be meditating together, walking in nature hand in hand, turning off the news after 6pm, doing a yoga class together, talking to your friends or reading the same book together and then discussing it afterwards. Give yourself permission to masturbate which can also be a great stress reliever and help steer your libido upwards.

Just remember during this pandemic and all the changes we’ve had to adapt to in the last year we are seeing libidos spike and other libidos non-existent, both are normal responses to stress.